Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
