I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
