just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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