i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize