Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
