He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
