I heard we made out
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
