FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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