I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
