I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
