Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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