I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
