I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
even my farts smell like vagina
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
