I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
