Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
