Sry I called you an 8
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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