Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
How does one acquire holy water?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
