I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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