oh god the rape fog is back!
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
