i think i have two assholes
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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