My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
