I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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