just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
