The maid of honor just puked.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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