don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
