so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
