how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
