I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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