Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
zippers are such a cool invention
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
