i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
