true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
