dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
