so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
