Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
