We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
