I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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