I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
