Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize