Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
