He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
