I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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