Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
