Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
