she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
