Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
