You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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