Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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