i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
