and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
