Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
