i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
