and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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