I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
