I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
