My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
