i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
