shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he fucked my hip out of place.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
i think im in europe. pls send help
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
