Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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