Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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