who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
