If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
