real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
