I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
