That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
