If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize